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May 24, 2018
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Eric Ebron

Detroit Lions

Ebron Could Use Some Luck


Colts signed TE Eric Ebron, formerly of the Lions, to a two-year contract. Coach Frank Reich called Ebron an "elite tight end."

The last time we saw Andrew Luck healthy (2016), the Colts used 2+ TE sets at the 3rd-highest rate in the NFL and had the 6th-highest target share to TEs.


04/01/18, 11:32 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Carlos Hyde

San Francisco 49ers

Hyde and Seek


Browns agreed to terms with RB Carlos Hyde, formerly of the 49ers, on a three-year, $15 million contract.

Obtaining Hyde has several trickle-down effects; first it replaces Crowell who signed with the Jets, it probably diminishes Duke Johnson’s value a bit. Hyde is a better all-around back than Crowell was and will certainly take over the goal-line work seeing that he’s got 20+ pounds on Duke. It also reduces the likelihood that Cleveland takes Saquon Barkley with the 4th pick in the draft. They will most likely look to draft a defensive player (Chubb) or trade down again.


04/01/18, 11:28 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Jerick McKinnon

Minnesota Vikings

McKinnon Goes West For Gold-Rush


49ers agreed to terms with RB Jerick McKinnon, formerly of the Vikings, on a four-year, $30 million contract.

McKinnon averaged a ho-hum 3.8 yards a carry for the Vikings and scored three rushing touchdowns. By contrast, San Francisco's former lead runner, Carlos Hyde, averaged 3.9 yards an attempt in 2017 and had eight rushing touchdowns.

It appears as though Shanahan is enamored with McKinnon's athletic metrics, but I'm not so sure he was "pounding the table" to get him. This move could push the Niner's to cut Joe Williams.


04/01/18, 11:12 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.sacbee.com


Mike Wallace

Baltimore Ravens

Eagles Keep Improving


Eagles signed WR Mike Wallace to a one-year contract.
Mike Wallace can still move posting a top five max speed among wide receivers last season. He will fill the void left by Torrey Smith as a speed vertical threat.


04/01/18, 11:08 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Terrelle Pryor

Washington Redskins

Jets Searching For Weapons


Jets agreed to terms with WR Terrelle Pryor, formerly of Washington and Cleveland.

Second year in a row on a new team doesn’t really help Pryor's cause, but I like the idea of him on the field with Teddy Bridgewater at some point. I would imagine, with some creativity, the Jets could really design some innovative gadget plays.
The Jets receiving corps really looks like a bunch of question marks at this point though, no telling what the week-to-week outcome will be with these guys.
Jermaine Kearse: 65 catches, 810 yards, 5 touchdowns (2017)
Robby Anderson: 63 catches, 941 yards, 7 touchdowns (2017)
Quincy Enunwa: 58 catches, 857 yards, 4 touchdowns (2016)
Terrelle Pryor: 77 catches, 1007 yards, 4 touchdowns (2016)


04/01/18, 11:04 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Carlos Henderson

Denver Broncos

Sleeper Watch


Broncos coach Vance Joseph said the team is "counting on" Carlos Henderson making an impact in 2018.

If you are paying attention to Staggs projections there is plenty of opportunity for Henderson to step into a solid number of targets in the slot. Henderson was hindered by injury and awful QB play last year. Being drafted in the 18th round or later in best-ball leagues, Henderson is the late round flyer that should be on your radar.


04/01/18, 11:00 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.denverpost.com


Ben Watson

Baltimore Ravens

Watson Returns To Big Easy


Saints signed TE Ben Watson, formerly of the Ravens, to a one-year contract.

Watson had 74 catches on 110 targets for 825 yards and 6 TD’s when he was with the Saints in 2015. After missing 2016 he had a pretty good year with Baltimore last year despite an anemic offense, with 61 catches on 79 targets for 522 yards and 4 TD’s. He’s not a bad late round flyer TE. He’s basically free right now, but I expect by the time the season starts he’ll be being drafted within the top 20 at the position.


04/01/18, 10:54 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Jeff Janis

Green Bay Packers

Janis Truthers Challenged


Browns officially signed former Packers’ WR Jeff Janis.
The combine superstar never amounted to anything in Green Bay, I highly doubt Cleveland is the place for him to finally break-out.


04/01/18, 10:50 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Thomas Rawls

Seattle Seahawks

Jets Sign Rawls


Rawls had five RB1 games in 2015, one in 2016, and has been a disappointment since. He’s not worth your time in fantasy, but he could cause enough disruption in the Jets backfield to cut any upside we might have hoped for from Isaiah Crowell.


04/01/18, 10:48 AM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.newyorkjets.com


Allen Robinson

Jacksonville Jaguars

Coo coo ca choo Mr. Robinson


Bears signed WR Allen Robinson, formerly of the Jaguars, to a three-year, $42 million contract.

This is a great move for Robinson and Chicago. Nagy’s offense and the young QB, Trubiski, should benefit Robinson at least as much as Bortles did, and Chicago gets the top WR in free agency.
Everyone on the team will be in a new scheme so there will be an adjustment, but as they start to gel we should see a big second half. Robinson’s recovery from a torn ACL doesn’t scare me away from drafting him in the late third/early fourth, his current MFL10 ADP is 43 overall while his Draft app ADP is 59.9. I expect Robinson to be somewhere in the range of 75 receptions, for 1100 yards and 8 TD’s.


03/24/18, 08:25 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Sammy Watkins

Los Angeles Rams

KC Building Strong Air Attack


Chiefs signed Sammy Watkins, formerly of the Rams, to a three-year, $48 million contract.

I’m a big Sammy truther so getting him in the 5th or 6th round is a pure power move. His current Draft app ADP of 87.1 is an absolute steal, his MFL10 ADP of 69.5 is still a great value in my opinion. There are quite a few options for high targets in KC so I don’t expect him to see the 128 targets he saw his rookie year, but he should definitely see more than the 70 he saw last year. He’ll have an entire offseason to work with the near-rookie QB, and at age 25 he should have enough burst left to have a 70 catch, 1050 yd, 8TD line. For his career he has 16 receptions on 30 targets for 12 TD’s in the Red Zone, and 9 receptions on 13 targets, for 8 TD’s inside the opponents 10. He should be the exact WR the Chiefs need to get over the hump. As a team the Chiefs were 34/75 for 13 TD’s in the Red-Zone last year and 12/24 for 10 TD inside the 10.


03/24/18, 08:19 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: www.pro-football-reference.com


Kirk Cousins

Washington Redskins

Vikings Like That


Kirk Cousins plans to sign a three-year, fully-guaranteed contract from the Minnesota Vikings on Thursday. The deal is believed to be for around $86 million, and reports are it will be fully-guaranteed, a landmark for an NFL free agent.

Should be a lateral move for Kirk as far as fantasy, better WR’s, but fewer passes thrown in this offense. A healthy Dalvin Cook should be able to run out the clock if they are up in the second half of games and take the ball out of Cousins hands near the end zone. It should also help the overall efficiency of the offense so all in all it increases his floor, but cuts any garbage-time production we’ve seen with Washington. Kyle Rudolph becomes a big benefactor here, Cousins loves his TE, especially near the end-zone.


03/24/18, 08:16 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Case Keenum

Minnesota Vikings

Denver Makes Case


Broncos signed QB Case Keenum, formerly of the Vikings, to a two-year, $36 million contract.

Well, I was hoping for more than a bridge QB for my favorite WR (D. Thomas), but this is a definite upgrade from the three stooges Denver put behind center last year.


03/24/18, 08:13 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


LeGarrette Blount

Philadelphia Eagles

Detroit Sparks Up Blount


The Lions signed free agent RB LeGarrette Blount to a 1-year deal worth $4.5M. He’s back with Matt Patricia, as the New England ties are strong.

The Lions have needed a true goal-line/power-back for years. I expect Blount to get between 150-200 touches and all the short-yardage carries. Detroit’s offense doesn’t really fit what Blount brings to the table, but I expect Patricia will have some influence over how the offense will operate from here-on-out.


03/24/18, 08:10 PM CDT by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com

Cleveland Browns

Money Ball: The Sequel


Hate to start out the offseason with the Cleveland Browns, but they are makin’ moves!
Browns acquired: Tyrod Taylor, Jarvis Landry, Damarious Randall
Browns gave up: 2018 3rd-round pick (No. 65), 2018 4th-round pick, 2019 7th-round pick, DeShone Kizer

Building with experienced quality performers that have something to prove, by selling inconsequential draft picks is exactly what Sashi Brown was building up for. It’s a shame he won’t be around to reap the rewards, but these are quality moves for a win-now mentality.


03/09/18, 09:37 PM CST by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Tyrod Taylor

Buffalo Bills

Hue Looks To TyGoat


Browns left tackle Joe Thomas, who's pondering his future, is a fan of Tyrod Taylor and has said so on the ThomaHawk Show podcast.

Tyrod is just one season removed (2016) from being the QB11 in average fantasy ppg, including seven 20+ point weeks and six 15+ point weeks. Given the current talent on the O-line and skill position weapons he could improve on those numbers. He has the potential to be this year’s Alex Smith, definitely heading my late-round (12+) QB picks now.


03/09/18, 09:32 PM CST by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Deshone Kizer

Cleveland Browns

Packers Get In On The Fun


The Packers have traded for QB DeShone Kizer from the Browns to Green Bay.

This is the best possible scenario for Kizer, who was thrown into the fire last season. Getting the chance to develop and learn behind the best in the business is the best chance he has for longevity.


03/09/18, 09:30 PM CST by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Torrey Smith

Philadelphia Eagles

On The Move Again


The Eagles trade WR Torrey Smith to the Panthers for CB Daryl Worley. Torrey Smith could fill the old Ted Ginn role which makes this fairly interesting. Stagg Party says it’s more of a boost for Cam than Torrey himself.

This is an absolute perfect fit, someone who isn’t going to demand the ball, but can take the top off a defense while McCaffrey, Olsen, and Cam work underneath. Torrey is looking like a great late-round flyer.


03/09/18, 09:28 PM CST by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


DeMarco Murray

Tennessee Titans

Henry Hype Train Has Clear Track


DeMarco Murray was released by the Titans.
No surprise here, expect Derick Henry to be a lead back with 250+ touches, but they will bring in someone that will play the third-down, pass-catching role out of the backfield. I wouldn’t be surprised if they sign someone like Jerick McKinnon or Rex Burkhead, or even Darren Sproles or Charles Sims. There are also plenty of options in the NFL draft, Henry won’t be a true “Bell Cow.”


03/09/18, 09:17 PM CST by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com


Marquise Goodwin

San Francisco 49ers

The Name Says It All


Marquise Goodwin and the 49ers have agreed to a 3yr extension worth $20.3M & 10M guaranteed.

Shanahan has found his big-play threat at a reasonable price. Goodwin caught 56 balls for 962 yards last season, but only had two TD’s. None of his six longest plays (33+ yards) were from Garoppollo so it leads me to believe they will still be looking for a top of the line WR, even with Garcon coming back from injury.


03/09/18, 09:15 PM CST by Wheeler

Source: twitter.com

Houdini has been bitchslapping underperforming fantasy football players since 1994

Bitchslap!!! Installment 3 of 4 (2017)

Posted by Houdini on 12/13/17

by   The Archer


@TheArcher


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Installment 3 of 4

 

We are in the fantasy playoffs now, and there are many of you who did not make it to the playoffs, and others who squeaked into the playoffs because they had these chumps on their rosters. We have a lot of guys that aiming for the Golden Sombrero BITCHSLAP!!! So, let’s take a deeper look at those jerks that ruined your run to the title and give them a good old BITCHSLAP!!!

 

THREE TIMERS

 

 QUARTERBACKS

 

DEREK CARR

You only played in three games during this period, and while your stats were not horrible, they were not great and kept you out of the top 12. You had two games with 253 or fewer passing yards, and threw four touchdowns with two interceptions over three games. That is not going to get your owners any wins, and you were a favorite pick by many in drafts this year. You have failed time and again, and once again you have earned your third BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

EDDIE LACY

This is just a sad fate for fat Eddie. There is no one that drafted you that still has you. You are only being started in 2% of leagues. You have no game left, as evidenced by your 26 carries for 68 yards and four catches for 29 yards with no touchdowns in three games. You are a guarantee for the GSBS!!!, but until then here is #3 BITCHSLAP!!!

 

JAY AJAYI

Jay, you started off this stanza looking good by scoring a touchdown in Week 9, but you are not giving the yardage and consistent scoring to be counted on as advertised. I know you are in a crowded backfield, but when you only get 20 carries and two receptions over three games you know what is coming next…BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

MARTAVIS BRYANT

Martavis, you have been petulant all season, and you have frustrated the hell out of your owners. You missed Week 9 and then when you get the chance to play, you gain 42, 30 and 40 yards with one touchdown. Where is the big play? Where are the highlights? Your hair might have some highlights after your third BITCHSLAP!!!

 

DEZ BRYANT

Dez, you have been a total bust this year, and this frame was more of the same for your owners. Your high yardage game was 73 yards, and you had two games with fewer than 40 yards. Ohh, I almost forgot, you had no touchdowns either. You have been a waste of space on fantasy rosters, and have cost your owners all season long. This is a well-earned and deserved third BITCHSLAP!!!

 

DESEAN JACKSON

DJax, you and Dez are very similar. Your high yardage game was 82 yards, but you had two games with fewer than 30 yards. You did manager to score a touchdown, but that was only fools gold when you total 195 yards over four games. The flash is gone in your game, but the flash is strong with my BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

TIGHT ENDS

 

MARTELLUS BENNETT

Martellus, you can consider yourself lucky that you will be exempt from the GSBS!!! due to your season ending injury, but before the injury you did nothing and here we are. In the two games you played you totaled six catches for 53 yards with no touchdowns. For all the talk at the beginning of the year of how you were going to be a top tight end in fantasy, we now have the definitive answer in your third BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

TWO TIMERS

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

ELI MANNING

Eli, this has been a horrible season for you and after this stanza you saw your iron man streak come to an end thanks to your coach and GM. You threw for 811 yards with four touchdowns and two interceptions over four games, but your last two you threw for 318 yards with an interception. I teed up your brother at the end of his career, could the end for you be in the form of a BITCHSLAP!!!

 

DREW BREES

Drew, you have been a fantasy darling for more than a decade, but you have been the ugly duckling for the owners that drafted you. You did have a monster game in Week 11, throwing for 385 yards with two touchdowns and one interception, but you only averaged 231 passing yards per game in the other three games with only three touchdown passes. The lack of touchdowns is the most concerning for your owners, and your ultimate fantasy failure this year. Those fantasy failures lead to another BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

LESEAN MCCOY

Shady, your performance during this period was down right shady. You started the stanza with a blistering 25 rushing yards on 12 carries against the Jets and were held under 80 total yards in three games with only two touchdowns to your credit. One good game out of every four is fantasy fool’s gold, crushing fantasy championship dreams, so it’s time to crush you with another BITCHSLAP!!!

 

C.J. ANDERSON

C.J., you were just terrible during this stretch. Your high yardage game was 54 yards, and you only managed 116 yards rushing over four games with one touchdown and one fumble. Playing you is like buying a fine steak dinner and as soon as you finish throwing up all over the table. I’m sure that we will meet again in four weeks, but until then suck on your BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

JORDY NELSON

Jordy, this is pretty simple, all I have to do is say 35, 20, 24 and 11. Those were your game totals during this period. I don’t care who is at quarterback, that production or lack thereof sucks. How far the mighty have fallen, and you fell right into your second BITCHSLAP!!!

 

AMARI COOPER

Amari, you played in three games during this stanza and you scored two touchdowns…good for you. Unfortunately, you only caught eight passes for 95 yards in those three games, and those are not the type of yardage totals your owners are looking for. You score like a utility redzone tight end, and that gets you your second BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

TIGHT ENDS

 

JASON WITTEN

Jason, you did a good job by converting your 16 targets into 16 receptions during this period, but you only managed 115 yards with no touchdowns. Without Zeek you were supposed to be one of the players that was going to step up their stats. Instead you stepped up to another BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

FIRST TIMERS

 

QUARTERBACKS

 

MARCUS MARIOTA

Marcus, you did not have a good stanza, throwing for 972 yards with five touchdowns and eight interceptions. You threw an interception in every game, and highlighted that with four interceptions in Week 11. That is not the consistency that your owners were looking for, and you had them looking for other quarterbacks, which is a surefire sign you are in line for a BITCHSLAP!!!

 

DAK PRESCOTT

Dak, you were supposed to show how you could carry the team while Ezekiel Elliott served his suspension, but you have only shown that you are not ready to lead on your own. In these four games you threw for 749 yards with two passing touchdowns, two rushing touchdowns with five interceptions. The worst part is that three of your four touchdowns all came in Week 9. That disaster you gave you owners led to your first ever BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

RUNNING BACKS

 

MELVIN GORDON

Melvin, you only played in three games during this stretch, and you failed to deliver the knockout punch your owners were looking for. You had 57 carries and only managed 172 yards with one touchdown, and only added eight receptions for 38 yards. Those stats most likely cost your owners wins, and earned you the not there when it counts BITCHSLAP!!!

 

LEONARD FOURNETTE

Leonard, you played in three games during this period, and while you rushed for 111 yards in Week 11, you totaled 58 rushing yards in the other two games and failed to find the endzone. You were dominating the fantasy world before this stretch, but now you can find out what it is like to get dominated with your first ever BITCHSLAP!!!

 

KAREEM HUNT

Kareem, you started off the season with guns a blazin’, but you were shooting blanks during this stretch. You played in three games and managed a total of 164 yards on 46 touches with no touchdowns. Early on this season you seemed like a runaway winner for the rookie of the year award, but this run of poor fortune means that you may be more likely to get a different award, so I am proud to present you with your BITCHSLAP!!!

 

DOUG MARTIN

Doug, you were just plain awful during these four games, and your stat line is cringe worthy. You carried the ball 54 times for 129 yards, and caught two passes for six yards. That is less than 40 yards per game, and of course you didn’t score a touchdown. You have not been a fantasy factor since returning, and that gets you a BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

WIDE RECEIVERS

 

MICHAEL CRABTREE

Crabby Cakes, you played so bad that a case of crabs would have been better than starting you during this period. You managed only nine catches for 91 yards in three games; thankfully for your owners you had a bye so they had to start someone else. Your poor play was highlighted by the donut you posted in Week 12, so now the best highlight for your owners is seeing you get this BITCHSLAP!!!

 

MIKE EVANS

Mike, you were one of the best fantasy receivers last year, but that is a distant memory for your owners this year. In this stanza you were miserable, catching only 12 of 28 targets for a putrid 183 yards with no touchdowns. That used to be a one game total for you, not a four-game span. You have yet to step up and take care of business this year, so that means it is time for me take care of business by supplying you with your BITCHSLAP!!!

 

EMMANUEL SANDERS

Emmanuel, you saw a good amount of targets (32) during this span, but you only caught 12 of them for 194 yards and did not find the endzone. You did at least do some damage in Week 10 with 137 yards, but that means you only managed 57 yards in the other three. That is a recipe for a BITCHSLAP!!!

 

STEFON DIGGS

Stefon, you started out the season with a bang and then missed a couple games, and were able to play in three games during this period. You have given way to Adam Thielen, and that was proven with you only getting 18 targets, catching 13 of them for 176 yards with one touchdown. The Vikings are rolling, but your fantasy owners may be reeling because of your numbers, so it is my duty to send you reeling with a BITCHSLAP!!!

 

RANDALL COBB

Randall, you also have a lot of reasons why your numbers are not what they should be, but I don’t care for excuses. You caught 15 passes for 202 yards with a touchdown, but did not have a game with 60 or more yards. That puts you into the realm of mediocre fantasy receiver, and the receiver of a BITCHSLAP!!!

 

A.J. GREEN

A.J., you were a first round pick in just about every league this year, and you have failed to give your owners a return on their investment. In these four games you totaled 15 receptions for 237 yards with two touchdowns. You also got kicked out of a game with only six yards, and had 66 and 50 yards in the other two. Normally you win your owners games with your performance alone, but during this period you cost your owners seeding or the playoffs, and that gets you a BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

TIGHT ENDS

 

AUSTIN HOOPER

Austin, you started to come and seemed like you would be a player owners could trust in their playoff runs…they were wrong. You caught 14 passes for 122 yards with one touchdown and topped 40 yards just once during this stanza. You have yet to climb to the next level of fantasy tight end, but you did just get your first BITCHSLAP!!!

 

 

 

 

Houdini hanging on fire

 

By: Houdini

 

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Houdini hanging on fire

 

By: Houdini

 

Subscribe to the Pyro Podcast: http://iTunes.com/Podcasts/PyroPodcast

Like us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pyromaniac 

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