March 24, 2018


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Cleveland Browns

Money Ball: The Sequel

Hate to start out the offseason with the Cleveland Browns, but they are makin’ moves!
Browns acquired: Tyrod Taylor, Jarvis Landry, Damarious Randall
Browns gave up: 2018 3rd-round pick (No. 65), 2018 4th-round pick, 2019 7th-round pick, DeShone Kizer

Building with experienced quality performers that have something to prove, by selling inconsequential draft picks is exactly what Sashi Brown was building up for. It’s a shame he won’t be around to reap the rewards, but these are quality moves for a win-now mentality.

03/09/18, 09:37 PM CST by Wheeler


Tyrod Taylor

Buffalo Bills

Hue Looks To TyGoat

Browns left tackle Joe Thomas, who's pondering his future, is a fan of Tyrod Taylor and has said so on the ThomaHawk Show podcast.

Tyrod is just one season removed (2016) from being the QB11 in average fantasy ppg, including seven 20+ point weeks and six 15+ point weeks. Given the current talent on the O-line and skill position weapons he could improve on those numbers. He has the potential to be this year’s Alex Smith, definitely heading my late-round (12+) QB picks now.

03/09/18, 09:32 PM CST by Wheeler


Deshone Kizer

Cleveland Browns

Packers Get In On The Fun

The Packers have traded for QB DeShone Kizer from the Browns to Green Bay.

This is the best possible scenario for Kizer, who was thrown into the fire last season. Getting the chance to develop and learn behind the best in the business is the best chance he has for longevity.

03/09/18, 09:30 PM CST by Wheeler


Torrey Smith

Philadelphia Eagles

On The Move Again

The Eagles trade WR Torrey Smith to the Panthers for CB Daryl Worley. Torrey Smith could fill the old Ted Ginn role which makes this fairly interesting. Stagg Party says it’s more of a boost for Cam than Torrey himself.

This is an absolute perfect fit, someone who isn’t going to demand the ball, but can take the top off a defense while McCaffrey, Olsen, and Cam work underneath. Torrey is looking like a great late-round flyer.

03/09/18, 09:28 PM CST by Wheeler


DeMarco Murray

Tennessee Titans

Henry Hype Train Has Clear Track

DeMarco Murray was released by the Titans.
No surprise here, expect Derick Henry to be a lead back with 250+ touches, but they will bring in someone that will play the third-down, pass-catching role out of the backfield. I wouldn’t be surprised if they sign someone like Jerick McKinnon or Rex Burkhead, or even Darren Sproles or Charles Sims. There are also plenty of options in the NFL draft, Henry won’t be a true “Bell Cow.”

03/09/18, 09:17 PM CST by Wheeler


Marquise Goodwin

San Francisco 49ers

The Name Says It All

Marquise Goodwin and the 49ers have agreed to a 3yr extension worth $20.3M & 10M guaranteed.

Shanahan has found his big-play threat at a reasonable price. Goodwin caught 56 balls for 962 yards last season, but only had two TD’s. None of his six longest plays (33+ yards) were from Garoppollo so it leads me to believe they will still be looking for a top of the line WR, even with Garcon coming back from injury.

03/09/18, 09:15 PM CST by Wheeler


Jonathan Stewart

Carolina Panthers

The Search Is On

Former Panthers RB Jonathan Stewart is visiting the Seahawks today, source says. Seattle is looking at all options to get that ground game going.

This would be an interesting landing spot for Stewart, but no RB available in free agency is going to do spit behind this Swiss-cheese O-line.

03/09/18, 09:13 PM CST by Wheeler


New York Giants

Building Blocks

NFL draft insider Tony Pauline says "belief" around the league is free agent OG Andrew Norwell signing with the Giants is "a done deal."
The top guard on the market, Norwell was one of ex-Panthers GM Dave Gettleman's most-prized discoveries as an undrafted free agent. Gettleman now runs the Giants, who have needs all over the line.

I like anything the Giants can do to repair this disheveled O-line. Building a line through free-agency is almost always a better option than through the draft, but I would still like to see them trade back in the draft and grab Quenton Nelson, OG, Notre Dame.

03/09/18, 09:11 PM CST by Wheeler


Dion Lewis

New England Patriots

Pass Catching Backs Set To Dominate

On first downs this year, the Eagles allow a 65% success rate on RB-passes. That ranks 29th in the league. Dion Lewis averaged 6.5 YPA and a 59% success rate, and James White averaged 7.7 YPA and a 58% success rate on first down passes this season.

02/04/18, 10:36 AM CST by Wheeler


James White

New England Patriots

Pass Catching Backs Set To Dominate

On first downs this year, the Eagles allow a 65% success rate on RB-passes. That ranks 29th in the league. Dion Lewis averaged 6.5 YPA and a 59% success rate, and James White averaged 7.7 YPA and a 58% success rate on first down passes this season.

02/04/18, 10:36 AM CST by Wheeler


Philadelphia Eagles

Attack With 11

The Patriots defense is particularly susceptible to runs out of 11 personnel (1 RB, 1 TE, 3 WRs), allowing a 61% success rate and 6.0 YPC to offenses when rushing from this formation. The Eagles are one of the most run heavy teams from 11 personnel, recording nearly 60% of their total rushes from 11 formation. The Patriots haven’t faced teams like this often, the teams the Pats faced in the playoffs, Tennessee and Jacksonville were last and 5th lowest respectively rushing from 11 formation. This is a massive advantage for the Eagles if they recognize it and use it.

02/04/18, 10:32 AM CST by Wheeler


Jay Ajayi

Philadelphia Eagles

To The Left, To The Left

New England started the season off with one of the worst rush defenses in the entire league, but things have really shifted over the second half of the year. Prior to their Week 9 bye, the Patriots had allowed a 44.70% Success Rate to opposing running backs, the third-worst in the league. That's dropped to about 38% since, and they've had the fifth-best rush defense by Success Rate since Week 12. New England's especially been good at stopping runs to the left side of the field, which just so happens to be where Jay Ajayi has really made a mark since joining the Eagles in Week 9.
I don’t look for Ajayi to make his mark in this game. I know it’s a lazy narrative, but a Blount revenge game seems to really be in the cards here.

02/04/18, 10:30 AM CST by Wheeler


Zach Ertz

Philadelphia Eagles

Pats Could Hit'em Where It Ertz

Zach Ertz leads the Eagles in targets (39) with Foles under center, drawing at least eight in three of their four full games together. Keyed by FS Devin McCourty and SS Patrick Chung, the Pats allowed the NFL’s tenth-fewest receiving yards to tight ends (720) this season, only four opposing tight ends have reached 50 yards through 18 Patriots games.
If Foles continues to pepper Ertz with targets we could see a big game for Chung or McCourty.

02/04/18, 10:25 AM CST by Wheeler


Nelson Agholor

Philadelphia Eagles

Plenty Of Fluids

The Eagles’ biggest pass-catcher personnel mismatch is Nelson Agholor against Patriots slot corner Eric Rowe. Rowe can struggle with quick change of direction, Agholor’s foremost strength. Agholor runs 87% of his routes in the slot, and New England allowed solid games to Eric Decker (6/85/0) in the Divisional Round, and Allen Hurns (6/80/0) in the AFC title game. Agholor still ranks second behind Ertz in Foles targets (29), but has had a surprisingly quiet playoffs with just 7 targets.
This will have to change if the Eagles plan on moving the ball, but Agholor has been sick with the flu for the past few days. He received intravenous fluids Saturday and will play, but it doesn’t sound like he’ll be 100%.

02/04/18, 10:22 AM CST by Wheeler


Danny Amendola

New England Patriots

Danny Playoffs

The Eagles finished second worst this season in percentage of passing yards allowed coming after the catch. Philadelphia struggled on short and intermediate throws this season, specifically to the middle of the field, where they allowed the third-most yards per passing play in the league. Brady was a top-five player in passer rating on these types of tosses. Amendola's been a monster in this year's playoffs for New England, grabbing hold of 22 targets in just two contests, accounting for over 24% of New England's targets. He should continue to play a role on Super Bowl Sunday.

02/04/18, 10:20 AM CST by Wheeler


Rex Burkhead

New England Patriots

Rex Back

Despite being listed as questionable for Sunday’s AFC Championship game vs. Jaguars, it appears as though Patriots’ RB Rex Burkhead will play.
This will cut into the 13 targets Amendola saw last week.

01/20/18, 10:49 PM CST by Wheeler


Adam Thielen

Minnesota Vikings

Making The Wright Move?

Adam Thielen (back) is questionable for Sunday's NFC Championship game against the Eagles.
He's fully expected to play after limited practices the last two days. He probably won’t be 100 percent so if you’re putting in a line-up you might want to pivot to Diggs or save some money and drop down to Jarius Wright who grabbed three-of-six targets for 56 yards Sunday and has established himself as the number three WR in this offense.

01/20/18, 10:31 PM CST by Wheeler


Leonard Fournette

Jacksonville Jaguars

Ankle In Question Again

Fournette aggravated his ankle in the Divisional Round and was limited early in the week. He was left off the injury report for Sunday's AFC Championship game. Fournette saw a heavy workload last week getting 27 touches in Jacksonville's upset of the Steelers. T.J. Yeldon rushed five times for 20 yards and a touchdown and caught 3-of-3 targets for 57 yards. If you’re looking for a cheaper option I expect we see Yeldon to be used to keep Fournette from aggravating the injury early.

01/20/18, 10:23 PM CST by Wheeler


Tom Brady

New England Patriots

Give Him A Hand

Reports are that Tom Brady threw the ball "incredibly well" during Friday's practice. He is listed as questionable for Sunday's AFC Championship game against Jacksonville, but I don’t think there was any real doubt that he’d play. Keep in mind what D-Rex spoke about on the Pyro Podcast 303 andScott Barrett tweeted about Brady last week:
Weeks 1-10: 21.2 fantasy points per game, 110.9 passer rating
Weeks 11-17: 14.2 fantasy points per game, 87.3 passer rating
The hand injury on top of his achilles injury, as well as going against the Jags #1 rated pass defense could keep the Patriots attack grounded this week. Lewis is the obvious play, but if Burkhead (Q) comes back it could be he or White that steals the show.

01/20/18, 10:22 PM CST by Wheeler


Tom Brady

New England Patriots

Tom Still Terrific?

Tom Brady was first listed on the team's injury report with an Achilles injury heading in to Week 11.
Weeks 1-10: 21.2 fantasy points per game, 110.9 passer rating
Weeks 11-17: 14.2 fantasy points per game, 87.3 passer rating

Fantasy Goo: This should line up for a good week for Brady, Tennessee is 8th in fantasy points allowed to RB’s, but just below average against QB’s. The Patriots are 13 point favorites on Saturday Night, if Brady doesn’t do it at home in prime-time then something is wrong.

01/09/18, 07:30 PM CST by Wheeler


Alvin Kamara

New Orleans Saints

Primary Role Shifting

Saints have run 5 times at/inside opponent's 5-yard line over last 4 weeks (including playoffs):
Alvin Kamara 3 carries, Zach Line 1, Mark Ingram 1. Kamara was in on all 3 Saints run plays at/inside 5 vs. Panthers last week, including Line's 1-yard TD run.

Fantasy Goo: If you’re trying to decide between Kamara and Ingram for the playoff run, Kamara looks to be the much better play.

01/09/18, 07:20 PM CST by Wheeler


Houdini has been bitchslapping underperforming fantasy football players since 1994

Bitchslap!!! Installment 3 of 4 (2017)

Posted by Houdini on 12/13/17

by   The Archer


More Articals


Installment 3 of 4


We are in the fantasy playoffs now, and there are many of you who did not make it to the playoffs, and others who squeaked into the playoffs because they had these chumps on their rosters. We have a lot of guys that aiming for the Golden Sombrero BITCHSLAP!!! So, let’s take a deeper look at those jerks that ruined your run to the title and give them a good old BITCHSLAP!!!







You only played in three games during this period, and while your stats were not horrible, they were not great and kept you out of the top 12. You had two games with 253 or fewer passing yards, and threw four touchdowns with two interceptions over three games. That is not going to get your owners any wins, and you were a favorite pick by many in drafts this year. You have failed time and again, and once again you have earned your third BITCHSLAP!!!






This is just a sad fate for fat Eddie. There is no one that drafted you that still has you. You are only being started in 2% of leagues. You have no game left, as evidenced by your 26 carries for 68 yards and four catches for 29 yards with no touchdowns in three games. You are a guarantee for the GSBS!!!, but until then here is #3 BITCHSLAP!!!



Jay, you started off this stanza looking good by scoring a touchdown in Week 9, but you are not giving the yardage and consistent scoring to be counted on as advertised. I know you are in a crowded backfield, but when you only get 20 carries and two receptions over three games you know what is coming next…BITCHSLAP!!!






Martavis, you have been petulant all season, and you have frustrated the hell out of your owners. You missed Week 9 and then when you get the chance to play, you gain 42, 30 and 40 yards with one touchdown. Where is the big play? Where are the highlights? Your hair might have some highlights after your third BITCHSLAP!!!



Dez, you have been a total bust this year, and this frame was more of the same for your owners. Your high yardage game was 73 yards, and you had two games with fewer than 40 yards. Ohh, I almost forgot, you had no touchdowns either. You have been a waste of space on fantasy rosters, and have cost your owners all season long. This is a well-earned and deserved third BITCHSLAP!!!



DJax, you and Dez are very similar. Your high yardage game was 82 yards, but you had two games with fewer than 30 yards. You did manager to score a touchdown, but that was only fools gold when you total 195 yards over four games. The flash is gone in your game, but the flash is strong with my BITCHSLAP!!!






Martellus, you can consider yourself lucky that you will be exempt from the GSBS!!! due to your season ending injury, but before the injury you did nothing and here we are. In the two games you played you totaled six catches for 53 yards with no touchdowns. For all the talk at the beginning of the year of how you were going to be a top tight end in fantasy, we now have the definitive answer in your third BITCHSLAP!!!








Eli, this has been a horrible season for you and after this stanza you saw your iron man streak come to an end thanks to your coach and GM. You threw for 811 yards with four touchdowns and two interceptions over four games, but your last two you threw for 318 yards with an interception. I teed up your brother at the end of his career, could the end for you be in the form of a BITCHSLAP!!!



Drew, you have been a fantasy darling for more than a decade, but you have been the ugly duckling for the owners that drafted you. You did have a monster game in Week 11, throwing for 385 yards with two touchdowns and one interception, but you only averaged 231 passing yards per game in the other three games with only three touchdown passes. The lack of touchdowns is the most concerning for your owners, and your ultimate fantasy failure this year. Those fantasy failures lead to another BITCHSLAP!!!






Shady, your performance during this period was down right shady. You started the stanza with a blistering 25 rushing yards on 12 carries against the Jets and were held under 80 total yards in three games with only two touchdowns to your credit. One good game out of every four is fantasy fool’s gold, crushing fantasy championship dreams, so it’s time to crush you with another BITCHSLAP!!!



C.J., you were just terrible during this stretch. Your high yardage game was 54 yards, and you only managed 116 yards rushing over four games with one touchdown and one fumble. Playing you is like buying a fine steak dinner and as soon as you finish throwing up all over the table. I’m sure that we will meet again in four weeks, but until then suck on your BITCHSLAP!!!






Jordy, this is pretty simple, all I have to do is say 35, 20, 24 and 11. Those were your game totals during this period. I don’t care who is at quarterback, that production or lack thereof sucks. How far the mighty have fallen, and you fell right into your second BITCHSLAP!!!



Amari, you played in three games during this stanza and you scored two touchdowns…good for you. Unfortunately, you only caught eight passes for 95 yards in those three games, and those are not the type of yardage totals your owners are looking for. You score like a utility redzone tight end, and that gets you your second BITCHSLAP!!!






Jason, you did a good job by converting your 16 targets into 16 receptions during this period, but you only managed 115 yards with no touchdowns. Without Zeek you were supposed to be one of the players that was going to step up their stats. Instead you stepped up to another BITCHSLAP!!!








Marcus, you did not have a good stanza, throwing for 972 yards with five touchdowns and eight interceptions. You threw an interception in every game, and highlighted that with four interceptions in Week 11. That is not the consistency that your owners were looking for, and you had them looking for other quarterbacks, which is a surefire sign you are in line for a BITCHSLAP!!!



Dak, you were supposed to show how you could carry the team while Ezekiel Elliott served his suspension, but you have only shown that you are not ready to lead on your own. In these four games you threw for 749 yards with two passing touchdowns, two rushing touchdowns with five interceptions. The worst part is that three of your four touchdowns all came in Week 9. That disaster you gave you owners led to your first ever BITCHSLAP!!!






Melvin, you only played in three games during this stretch, and you failed to deliver the knockout punch your owners were looking for. You had 57 carries and only managed 172 yards with one touchdown, and only added eight receptions for 38 yards. Those stats most likely cost your owners wins, and earned you the not there when it counts BITCHSLAP!!!



Leonard, you played in three games during this period, and while you rushed for 111 yards in Week 11, you totaled 58 rushing yards in the other two games and failed to find the endzone. You were dominating the fantasy world before this stretch, but now you can find out what it is like to get dominated with your first ever BITCHSLAP!!!



Kareem, you started off the season with guns a blazin’, but you were shooting blanks during this stretch. You played in three games and managed a total of 164 yards on 46 touches with no touchdowns. Early on this season you seemed like a runaway winner for the rookie of the year award, but this run of poor fortune means that you may be more likely to get a different award, so I am proud to present you with your BITCHSLAP!!!



Doug, you were just plain awful during these four games, and your stat line is cringe worthy. You carried the ball 54 times for 129 yards, and caught two passes for six yards. That is less than 40 yards per game, and of course you didn’t score a touchdown. You have not been a fantasy factor since returning, and that gets you a BITCHSLAP!!!






Crabby Cakes, you played so bad that a case of crabs would have been better than starting you during this period. You managed only nine catches for 91 yards in three games; thankfully for your owners you had a bye so they had to start someone else. Your poor play was highlighted by the donut you posted in Week 12, so now the best highlight for your owners is seeing you get this BITCHSLAP!!!



Mike, you were one of the best fantasy receivers last year, but that is a distant memory for your owners this year. In this stanza you were miserable, catching only 12 of 28 targets for a putrid 183 yards with no touchdowns. That used to be a one game total for you, not a four-game span. You have yet to step up and take care of business this year, so that means it is time for me take care of business by supplying you with your BITCHSLAP!!!



Emmanuel, you saw a good amount of targets (32) during this span, but you only caught 12 of them for 194 yards and did not find the endzone. You did at least do some damage in Week 10 with 137 yards, but that means you only managed 57 yards in the other three. That is a recipe for a BITCHSLAP!!!



Stefon, you started out the season with a bang and then missed a couple games, and were able to play in three games during this period. You have given way to Adam Thielen, and that was proven with you only getting 18 targets, catching 13 of them for 176 yards with one touchdown. The Vikings are rolling, but your fantasy owners may be reeling because of your numbers, so it is my duty to send you reeling with a BITCHSLAP!!!



Randall, you also have a lot of reasons why your numbers are not what they should be, but I don’t care for excuses. You caught 15 passes for 202 yards with a touchdown, but did not have a game with 60 or more yards. That puts you into the realm of mediocre fantasy receiver, and the receiver of a BITCHSLAP!!!



A.J., you were a first round pick in just about every league this year, and you have failed to give your owners a return on their investment. In these four games you totaled 15 receptions for 237 yards with two touchdowns. You also got kicked out of a game with only six yards, and had 66 and 50 yards in the other two. Normally you win your owners games with your performance alone, but during this period you cost your owners seeding or the playoffs, and that gets you a BITCHSLAP!!!






Austin, you started to come and seemed like you would be a player owners could trust in their playoff runs…they were wrong. You caught 14 passes for 122 yards with one touchdown and topped 40 yards just once during this stanza. You have yet to climb to the next level of fantasy tight end, but you did just get your first BITCHSLAP!!!





Houdini hanging on fire


By: Houdini


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Houdini hanging on fire


By: Houdini


Subscribe to the Pyro Podcast:

Like us on Facebook: 

Follow us on Twitter:

Become a Pyro Pro: